There is no simple and straightforward formula for coping with the grief that follows the sudden loss of a beloved family member in devastating circumstances. Yet getting words down on paper can often be a way of trying to make sense of something incomprehensible. Hence, ‘A Precipitous Life: A true story of sudden grief’, Tom Pelly’s book on the loss of his vibrant younger brother, is a raw yet poetic portrayal of a tragedy nobody could anticipate or comprehend.
Tom, who lives in Redland with his family and is a Horfield-based GP, lost his brother six years ago, when, a few days after a happy family Christmas, Matt fell from the church tower in the village where they all grew up. And Tom’s life – and that of his parents and siblings – stopped in its tracks.
After two years or so of deep grief and trying to settle back into work, Tom felt he had “trodden a well-worn path and maybe had something to say about it”. As he says, “we are not very good at talking about death and not very good at talking about grief”.
The aims of the book – his first, and indepen-dently published – are manifold. Tom says that he “didn’t want to write a manual for grief or a diary of what happened, but wanted to offer a celebration of Matt, and also try to understand what was going on and make sense of it all”.
A deliberately short book (a little over 100 pages), its concise layout brings the personal rawness and bewilderment to the fore. Tom is searingly honest in how his family had differing responses to the tragedy, as everybody does, but poignantly combines a tribute to his brilliant, witty brother with the dark horror of his sudden loss.
A long time in the writing, Tom learnt a great deal about the practicalities of the writing process, but also worried about whether it was “good enough. I wanted to honour my brother in the best way I could”. He added, “I never set out for this to be therapeutic, but it has taken a long time to get right and now I finally feel it’s ready. I think Matt would be proud that I’ve done it”.
‘A Precipitous Life’ is available in both paperback and hardback on Amazon – all proceeds from purchases of the book will go to the Air Ambulance Service.